What a day... a doozy, I'm sure
Well, as some of you know, I have a friend who I've had feelings for for a couple of years now.. I kept how I felt to myself for a long time, for a couple of reasons, biggest one being that he already had a girlfriend.. I finally got the nerve to tell him how I felt about a year ago, but I never got any real response to it.. last week, however, he told me that he and his girlfriend broke up.. so this got the wheels turning in my head, thinking that maybe I'll get my chance...
So, today he came to visit me, not like it's hard for him to do, seeing that he lives upstairs in my building.. *L* he sat down with me and we had ourselves a little chat... the conversation came around to an email that I sent him about 6 months ago, asking what, if anything, he felt about me.. I never got any response to that email, in fact, I had assumed that he never got it.. what he told me touched me and hurt me at the same time... he told me that he loved me very much, but he thought of me as a sister...
So.. it's another "don't want to wreck the friendship" scenerio.. I've got to tell you, I'm kinda getting sick of them.. seems that those are all I've been getting in the last few years... I understand his reasons, in a way.. we've been friends for years.. good friends at that.. but it's because of that friendship that he shouldn't have any worries... I mean, I wouldn't turn my back on him, no matter how bad the situation.. all he'd have to do is talk to one of my old boyfriends.. I'm close friend with both of them...
Just once, though, I'd like to be objectivefied.. to be used as a toy, a plaything.. I'm tired of this just friends crap.. perhaps I should just stop befriending males.. especially if it means that as soon as I'm friends with them, there's no chance of sex..
That's not all I'm looking for, mind you.. I really care about this guy.. in the last couple of years, he has been a bright light in an otherwise very dark world.. he's been a very good friend to me... but I wanted more than that.. I don't want to be like his sister... I already have a brother, thank you very much, and trust me.. one is quite enough... I want a boyfriend... a lover, partner.. someone to share my life with.... I don't want to live my life alone... at this rate, I see myself 20 years from now.. living in some crappy apartment, alone, with 47 cats... I'll be Charlottetown's next crazy cat lady...
Anyway.. that's enough for now... thanks for letting me vent about the lastest chapter in my depressing little life..
So, today he came to visit me, not like it's hard for him to do, seeing that he lives upstairs in my building.. *L* he sat down with me and we had ourselves a little chat... the conversation came around to an email that I sent him about 6 months ago, asking what, if anything, he felt about me.. I never got any response to that email, in fact, I had assumed that he never got it.. what he told me touched me and hurt me at the same time... he told me that he loved me very much, but he thought of me as a sister...
So.. it's another "don't want to wreck the friendship" scenerio.. I've got to tell you, I'm kinda getting sick of them.. seems that those are all I've been getting in the last few years... I understand his reasons, in a way.. we've been friends for years.. good friends at that.. but it's because of that friendship that he shouldn't have any worries... I mean, I wouldn't turn my back on him, no matter how bad the situation.. all he'd have to do is talk to one of my old boyfriends.. I'm close friend with both of them...
Just once, though, I'd like to be objectivefied.. to be used as a toy, a plaything.. I'm tired of this just friends crap.. perhaps I should just stop befriending males.. especially if it means that as soon as I'm friends with them, there's no chance of sex..
That's not all I'm looking for, mind you.. I really care about this guy.. in the last couple of years, he has been a bright light in an otherwise very dark world.. he's been a very good friend to me... but I wanted more than that.. I don't want to be like his sister... I already have a brother, thank you very much, and trust me.. one is quite enough... I want a boyfriend... a lover, partner.. someone to share my life with.... I don't want to live my life alone... at this rate, I see myself 20 years from now.. living in some crappy apartment, alone, with 47 cats... I'll be Charlottetown's next crazy cat lady...
Anyway.. that's enough for now... thanks for letting me vent about the lastest chapter in my depressing little life..
posted by Riki @ 11:59 PM
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